Things Really Do Get Better, But You Need To Hit Rock Bottom First

I found this in my notes from 2016, and I decided to make a blog post out of it. I feel like someone might be able to relate to it one way or another. I hope I can spread some awareness about this experience and help someone realize that things really do get better.

I was in high school, and going through a tough time, losing friends was one of the things I had a hard time coping with, losing people who were important in my life.

March 21st, 2016

One day you’re best friends with someone, and the next day you’re not. They completely shut you out of their life. They stop replying to your texts, and in all, it just absolutely destroys you because they were so important to you and was such a big part of your life, but maybe they didn’t know that.

You eventually think about them less. You get used to not having that person in your life anymore, once in a while, that person still crosses your mind, and then you feel anger and then sadness because you don’t know what you did wrong. So then out of the blue, you decided to text them, and they act as if you’re still good friends. But then it kills you on the inside because you know it’s not the same and it sucks. So you start to act differently yourself even though you promised yourself you’d always be the same.

But it’s hard to be when this person knows so much about you. About your life. About your past. About who you are. And they could use all of that to destroy you. And it scares you. Then you overthink about it. And you hold onto those thoughts for a really really long time. About how that person could just destroy you.

But then you realize it’s not worth your time. That they’re not worth your time anymore. They don’t matter to you. The memories are still painful, though. Why? Because you loved them, but guess what? It’s too late. You lost them. You didn’t tell them. You kept it to yourself all those years, so it’s YOUR fault. That they aren’t there anymore. Maybe they got tired of waiting, so they left. Because they realized it long before you that you’re not worth it. Even though they used to tell you every day that you’re not worthless you’re worth it, it was all lies. All of it. They never meant any of it. They just felt sorry for you because of your past that you told them about. They judged you by your history. That’s the only reason why they were “friends” with you. Because they felt sorry for you.

And then what?
There’s absolutely nothing you can do about it to change it. You think the only way to escape those things is by hurting yourself. You begin to believe it again that you’re worthless, ugly, useless, and fat.
You start to eat less you start to sleep less you begin to think more
you begin to overthink too much.
Sleeves instead of sleeveless.
Jeans instead of shorts.
Baggy clothes instead of your normal wear.
You literally die every day on the inside, thinking about what you could’ve done better. You think about what exactly went wrong.
You play everything over and over and over again in your head at night while you lay awake unable to sleep.

It gets better, though, I promise.

Part 2 Coming Soon