Life Update

THIS IS A LONG BORING UPDATE ABOUT HOW MY LIFE HAS BEEN GOING!

I haven’t exactly been updating my social media accounts with how my life has been going, I simply just haven’t had enough time. It’s honestly difficult to find time to make videos for my YouTube channel and I personally feel a lot of people do not read those long captions on Instagram. I’ve decided that if anyone really does want to take the time to learn how my life is going, it would be best to direct them here.

Right now, we are in a world that is so caught up in technology. Everyone will try to contact each other through social media or texting, instead of calling or having a genuine face to face conversation anymore. I’ve been learning that the best way to connect with others is through social media. So this is as good as it’s going to get, a life update blog post!

Starting off, the last few months have been particularly more difficult than before. I am honestly mentally and physically exhausted. I’d rather stay indoors all day than go out anywhere. I think it’s because I am scared that I will get sick again, as in a cold, flu, or infection. In February I was in the hospital for H1N1, the swine flu. I was in the ICU for four days, and let me just say, it was not my cup of tea. I never want to end up there again. Other than that I have consistently been sick every month since starting treatments, everything from a regular cold to pneumonia. My old research nurse says I need some type of bubble that’ll keep me away from all the sick people.

It gets harder and harder to leave home for treatments every month. After 6 long months, I’ve developed the mentality of only thinking of how horrible the travel is going to be and dreading the fact that I will most likely catch a cold either going up there or coming home. The travel time has been anywhere from 14 to 19 hours, changing each time. The time difference isn’t very fun either, especially when I need to sleep before the long first day back at the treatment facility. When there are medications that are supposed to be taken at a certain time, it makes things worse, I need to calculate the time difference and make sure I set the alarms at the correct time. It gets harder to leave because I simply don’t want to, I have.

I’m pretty sure I have some form of anxiety again, but I mean, who wouldn’t in my position? I get nervous talking to the new nurses I’ll get sometimes. I’ll have whoever I’m with, walk into the rooms before me. I guess it also makes me anxious that in the 7 months I have been going to treatments I only ever saw 1 person there around the same age as me. I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea, I appreciate everything that the NIH has been doing for me financially and medically, more than anything in the world. It just gets really overwhelming.

I have worked maybe 3 days since 2019 had started. It’s honestly hard going back to work when I am exhausted all the time and the fact that I’ll most likely get sick after the first day back. I’ve been extremely grateful to the people who have generously donated to my GoFundMe, it has been helping me pay for bills and for food when I go up for treatments. I haven’t been living at home much either, I’ve been extremely grateful to my best friend who has been helping me out and letting me live with him. My family at home drives me crazy (sorry if you guys read this). I love them more than anything in the world, but sometimes it is just better to be somewhere where it is quiet.

Currently, I am completely lost with where I am going with my life, I want to say I just got my employment terminated at one of my jobs, but I am not 100% sure. I also am terrified to go back to my other job because I work with children, and that by itself is germs galore. I want to go back to school and at least take online classes, but without money, that is kind of hard. I’ve been trying to find a work-from-home job, but no luck (so if anyone has any ideas, PLEASE let me know). I did almost get a babysitting job, but it turned out to be a scam, but that’s another story, long story short I will not be using websites to find babysitting jobs anymore.

Even though everything feels like absolute crap right now, I wouldn’t want things to be any different than it is now. I know these experiences will help me become a better person.

I kind of feel bad for whoever has made it this far into reading this. But thanks for hanging in there if you did. Thank you for listening to me complain about my life. Just trying to be as real as possible, till next time!