Let’s Get A Little Personal

It’s just over three months since I’ve posted any content for you all to read and let me just tell you, a lot happened in those months. I turned 22 in April, and I think the quarantine caused me to have a mini life crisis. Being isolated from the outside world gave me time to think. And when I think I think A LOT. I have redeveloped this irrational fear that what I write about is not interesting enough for anyone to read. I have found myself once again, constantly comparing myself and my life to others. 

In the last month or so, I’ve seen from social media, my high school classmates graduating with their degrees, getting married, and starting families. It feels like everyone is moving on with their lives, while I feel most if not completely stagnant. While I do understand that people grow at their own pace, I still feel so behind. 

“The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit.” -Unknown

(If you know who said this quote, please let me know). 

I’d like to think I understand what the quote above means. You must plant a seed, water it, and care for it, let it grow before you can harvest the fruit and eat it. Which in life, you can’t expect to get the end result right after starting, it takes a lot of hard work and growth to get what you want in the end. But I feel like I am missing something in that process. 

I have always felt stuck between doing what I want to do and doing what “others” want me to do. Growing up, I was brought up with the mindset of “I need to make sure everyone else around me is happy first before I am.”

This brings me to the next part of this post: I started college again, and I think I am regretting it. I took classes this past Fall semester, I have one summer class that starts very soon, and I have five courses for the spring semester. I don’t think college is necessary, but some close family members genuinely believe it is. I believe that college is only essential if you know what field you want to go into, and it requires schooling. My mom has been letting me know about how happy she is that I decided to start my education again. My grandma, basically the same. 

I am just a little lost on my journey and path right now. 

“There will be obstacles. There will be doubters. There will be mistakes. But with hard work… THERE ARE NO LIMITS.” -Michael Phelps

I’ve been thinking a lot about what my dreams and goals are. They are constantly changing as I find new things that I have a passion for. The biggest goal I have always had and had never changed is to live my life how I want it, doing something I want to do. 

I have probably written it out before, but I am going to write it out again: 

Ali’s Personal Goals:

• Become a Twitch Affiliate
• Monetize on YouTube
• Become a Blogger
• Create a stream of income doing something I love
• Get healthy (lose weight)

I feel like I am so close to a breakthrough, but I also feel like I am so close to a breakdown. Does that make any sense?

I am the happiest I have ever been in my life, but it absolutely scares me.

I am going to end today’s blog there. It was all over the place, but that is how I am. A little all over the place.